Review:

on 2011-11-08 CharlesMartel Said:

Ho Hum.

Could someone explain to me exactly why I bought this album? Oh, yes, someone told me I ought to check it out as it was a masterpiece of its genre. Like an idiot, I followed his advice without checking out first what it sounded like.

Now I like to think I can see something of value in almost any type of music. But I have to say that I really struggle with this. There are things which are bad because they are poorly produced, yet there is merit in the kernel of it, just swamped by bad production; there is bad because it is harmful - like Prussian Blue or Skrewdriver - but its very badness serves to remind you of good; there is bad because it is without justification, like a lot of mainstream crap which nonetheless does have some good tunes; and then there is bad because it is funny when its probably not supposed to be, like Cannibal Corpse.

But rarely is there something bad because it is simply bad. So bad in fact that no matter how hard you search, you cannot find anything in it to provide that spark of hope that there is redemption, however small, from the badness. And if you looked up Converge in a dictionary, those two preceding sentences would probably be the definition you find there.

Take everything that you hate in music, and throw it all together, and you will get "Jane Doe". Here are a few: riffs that dont go anywhere; drumming that keeps its own rhythm irrespective of what everyone else is doing; lack of passion; lack of meaning; plodding delivery; dull; pedestrian. Oh, shit, I haven't even mentioned the vocals. The vocals. I mean, "Jane Doe" would be just plain bad without any vocals. But add the vocals and this plumbs to as yet unmeasured depths of badness.

And yet I am amazed by how many people actually like this. I mean, think about it willya? I know that an individual's music taste is his or her own, and that different people like different things, but you do draw the line at something dont you? I mean, is there not that point at which you have to stand up and say, I usually have respect for someone's taste no matter what I think of the music they like, but I lose all respect for you with this one.

Please, if someone can point out to me a single redeeming feature of this, I promise I will try to listen to it again in that light. But if I again fail to find anything which is not irredeemably bad about "Jane Doe" I swear I am going to undergo hypnosis or something to see if I can erase from my memory all trace that this album and this band ever existed.
Rating: 1/10