4th Entry or Winter on my Doorstep
posted September 14, 2007, 1:25 pm | Log In To Post Comments | 
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Tags: Sam Hell, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Johnny Cash, Sam Hell, Some Loud Thunder, American V
Leaves going golden brown; a sudden chill beneath the wind; an ache in my surgically repaired knee; the air seemingly a touch more thick; fall is approaching. Here, in the heart of the Adirondacks State Preserve, fall means two things: the last of the year's decent weather and the time to prepare for another harsh winter. We've got some of the harshest in the country here, as Tupper Lake and Saranac Lake regularly record some of the coldest temperatures in America each and every winter. For this Jersey-boy-turned-mountain-man, the bitter cold can still bite deep. While I totally prefer excessive cold to excessive heat (case and point: you can only take so much off to combat heat while adding layers is more or less limitless), my bones often disagree. Thoughts of escaping back to NJ loom heavy on my mind...
And I suppose that's where one may find this entry's heart. Tupper Lake, this quaint little nowhere in the middle of one of the world's great enviromental preserves, has left me poor and broke more often than I like to admit. The well of jobs supposedly available here has dried up in my near-decade of residence. If I can't make a push into the state owned-and-operated mental health facility/prison here (our only major place of employment apart from a plastics factory), I think migrating back south will be the only logical choice left to make. I'd hate to leave my family and my friends, but then I'd finally be back home, with the rest of my family and perhaps the friends I left behind.
All these things and so much more weighs on my mind these days. I am not too sure just how things will turn out, tomorrow or next week, month, whatever. It would appear that all the years spent on self-education and more or less sheltering myself from the anxieties of social life (introvert by nature present) aren't quite ready to pay for themselves, and although I have denounced it from my life, regret is the only way to describe my feeling towards all that time. I don't think it was totally wasted, but I do not have a firm grip on what's expected of me socially, whether it be in a work enviroment or amongst strangers in strange places. I guess it would just be nice to be more well accepted for who I am; being praised for doing things I don't like doing while having my heart and mind's desires and work ignored can really be a bitch to deal with.
And it seems as if I've rambled on long enough. Depressing as things may sound, I really can't complain; I am alive and in good health, and I know the work I'm doing now one day will pay off, even if I'm the only one who can see this. So it's head up, feet firm to the ground and sore hands from here on out as another soul stretches for another piece of that grand American dream.
Kevin
(He misses the one who understood)
---DOWNLOAD NOW---
Sam Hell - You Don't Say (from the album Sam Hell (check their page here for my review))
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Five Easy Pieces (from the album Some Loud Thunder)
Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down (from the album American V)
Comments:
First off - I live in Calgary. It gets cold here too. Damn cold. And I agree, I'd rather have seasons than have temperate weather year round.
Second - Live wherever makes you happy. Do whatever makes you happy. The money doesn't matter. Happiness = wealth and good friends = happiness so go where you may but remember to always have good friends, you sock puppet :p
posted on September 14, 2007, 3:40 pm
